Seashell
by Chase Mihael Keehl
Summary: Mello is forced to cope with things no one should have to face. Kinda AU kinda not. Kissing no sex.


A/N at the end of this fic will be an explanation for those of you who do not know me personally. I want to dedicate this fic to MelMat. Without you, sis, I wouldn't be able to write this today. Thank you.

11.05.2004

The King of Death chuckled to himself, "Nu, give me your Death Note."

Nu did not hesitate, the Death Note floating from the perch and her side to the master of death, "What do you wish to do, Old Man?"

The King, shadowed on his thrown, simply hummed; he opened it and allowed a pen made of bone to scribe two names, Quillish Wammy and L Lawliet. The exact moments matching Rem's own pen, breaking the rules of the Shinigami and cancelling out the two's untimely demise. Rem, however, was not spared the raging fire than blazed her to nothing but a pile of ash. Her sin was loving a mortal.

Light watched as L toppled to the floor, a smile crossing his devilish face as he watch the only man on Earth he believed could put a stop to Kira.

12.05.2004

Under the pretense of L's death Light continued on, posing as L to solve the very case he was guilty of causing. Meanwhile L Lawliet, Quillish Wammy, Mail Jeevas, and Mihael Keehl sat in a room on the other side of the world.

"Not even Near is aware of this?" Mello asked, snapping a casual bite from his chocolate.

"I am 100 percent certain he is oblivious." L answered, sitting in his infamously uncomfortable pose.

The men sat in silence, mulling thoughts and scenarios. L watched his successor as he searched for answers in the sugary treat. It was an unknown fact that L had taken a liking to the blonde. His potential was incomprehensible and dangerous. The detective thought back to Beyond Birthday and the potential he had seen in him. Mello would surely go the route of the killer if not given the right guidance.

Mello had been the only student L told the story to. Like an eager child the boy had lingered on each word and questioned how Beyond was doing, where he was, and if he could meet him. L saw so much of Beyond in Mello. Even the gaze in their eyes pierced his heart the same. He knew if he allowed Near to do as A had done to Beyond, Kira would not be his worst case.

"Mello, are you ready to start the performance?" Quillish smiled.

"Yes, sir. I will do exactly as planned." He stood and winked at Matt.

12.06.2004

"Are you sure he bought it?" Matt puffed on a cigarette.

"Yes, and you need to stop smoking, please…for me?" Mello pulled the cancer stick from his lover's lips.

"You have chocolate, I have nicotine." The redhead said, pulling out another one, lighting it.

Mello only sighed and returned to typing at his laptop. The plan was simple…continue the farce until Light screwed up enough to Near to get the sheep in a direction they could orchestrate. The white headed child was young, robotic in nature, and frankly, creepy. Even L disapproved of the child's efforts in becoming his replacement. Something, a weakness perhaps, brightly illuminated the pale exterior, exposing certain failures in the future.

Everything had to go perfectly, let Near think he was winning. Each detail of each action was orchestrated by L and Mello all the way down to Halle and Rester. With Matt at Mello's side there was absolutely no way this could fail. He was confident… until the unthinkable happened.

2.28.2009

Matt laid on the floor, coughing and spitting up blood.

"Matty, we are going to see the doctor. Now." Mello helped him to his feet, holding him tightly against him.

"I'm fine Mello, I need to just rest or something."

"Matty," The blonde turned his boyfriend's face to look at him, "I am worried. I need you to go, okay?"

The redhead had been sick for a week with no signs of improvement and Mello's eyes were so sad and weak looking, out of character for the young man. Reluctantly he agreed to be treated.

The doctor flipped through charts, results of every test Wammy house had conducted provided.

"Matt, I'm afraid you have cancer." He spoke.

Mello shouted, "WHAT?!"

Matt blinked, words unable to form on the stunned lips. He had cancer… The blonde and redhead looked into each other's eyes. For once in Mello's life he wouldn't say I told you so. He wouldn't make the stripe clad young man feel bad. He just forced emotions down and sighed.

"We will fight through this, right Matty?"

"Y-yeah."

They went home and Mello helped Matt into bed. The awkward silence that made the room stale was painful. Mello finally just kissed Matt, relaxing them both. Matt melted into his lover's embrace and pressed back in the kiss. The passion and pure love that electrified their very cores spilled over in that kiss. That kiss was Mello's vow to make Matt better; his vow to protect him.

11.11.2009

Months passed and Matt went through treatment after treatment only to feel worse and never improve. Mello sheltered him in an apartment paid for and furnished by their mentor. Soon Matt became weak and was unable to leave the house. Insisting on helping, he stayed at home and did anything Mello needed.

Then the explosion crippled his lover. L stayed with them both and assisted Matt in caring for him. Matt tried to do it all, but L made him rest as well. It wasn't long before Mello was on his feet again.

"I wish you would just relax Matt." The now scarred man glared at his partner.

"I won't let you do everything." Matt inhaled on a cigarette.

"Matt! Put it out!" Mello grabbed it from his mouth.

"Mello, I'm going to die someday…what the fuck is the point?"

Mello started at him. The man he loved was pale, skinny, his hair thinned from the chemo. No matter what they tried he was deteriorating and Mello struggled to hide the fear.

"I don't want to lose you before your time." Blue eyes watered horribly, "I need you Matty. I want to spend my life with you."

Matt bit his lip and stared at his bony hands, "Okay…I'll try and stop."

Mello hated that word, "try", so fucking much, but it was better than the alternative.

"Thank you." He whispered.

Flipping their boots off the two got into bed and Matt curled into his lover's arms. Mello's hands radiated warmth as he rubbed the other's back. The nights were getting colder, but Mello always made the sick man feel better. He smelled of leather and chocolate, a smell Matt needed to sleep at night.

As Matt slipped into sleep Mello whispered, "My sweet Matty. I will never let you go."

11.27.2009

"How is Matt?" L asked as the blonde sat at his usual desk, typing away immediately.

"He is resting." Mello spat the same answer he had given for a few days.

L, not wanting to push the issue returned to his work. His student was so touchy on the subject of his classmate. The detective struggled to understand the feelings that came with relationships and didn't bother trying to grasp them.

1.26.2010

Light lay dead on the floor of the Yellow Box Warehouse, Near looking at Rester, "Burn the Death Notes."

At that moment L, Watari, and Mello walked in, much to the SPK and NPA's surprise.

"Ryuuzaki?" Matsuda about jumped from his skin.

L gave his crooked panda smile and then turned to Near, "You are relieved of duty. Mello will replace you from here on out."

Near, emotionless, nodded and took Rester's hand, leaving the building.

Mello grinned, smug and sure of himself. His goal was achieved. Kira was dead, he was L, and Near was nothing more than a cockroach beneath his feet.

1.27.2010

"Matty! I'm home. I'm going to take a quick shower and then I'll make dinner." The blonde was already shedding clothes, dropping boots in the hall.

The shower was refreshing and made the victories just a hair sweeter. As he toweled off his hair he entered the bedroom to find an empty bed.

"Matty?" His heart raced in his chest.

Blue eyes planted on a noted, he slowly picked it up and read it.

-How long had he been there Mihael. I suspected something wasn't right, but this was beyond what I expected of you. Turn on the computer.-

Mello nervously swallowed and flipped the machine on. An immediate L showed on the screen.

"What did you do with him!" Mello screamed

"Mello, please calm yourself. How long had it been? 2? 3 months? Did you think no one would check?"

"I-I-" Mello couldn't speak, dropping to his knees.

"I won't give opinion on how morally wrong it is… but I will say you need to seek help."

Mello looked at the empty bed and sobbed. It was true…he needed help. His eyes poured with tears and he sobbed loudly for the world to hear. Memories flashed in his eyes.

11.20.2009

Matt was wheezing again, Mello sore and still healing himself, carefully bathed him.

"Mello?" Matt's voice was so raspy it was hard to hear.

"Hmm?" Mello leaned in to listen.

"I love you."

Mello's lips curled into a sad smile, "I love you too."

There was silence as Matt fell asleep. Mello drained the tub and carried his naked lover back to bed where he dried and clothed him, getting into bed and holding him.

11.21.2009

Matt hadn't woken up…he was breathing, but not conscious. Mello knew all too well what was coming. He stayed in bed with him, holding him and crying into the striped shoulder. His cell phone rang.

"Hello," His voice flat, faking normalcy, "Yes he is resting. No, I don't think we want visitors today."

Mello hung up and gently stroked the thin red locks, "You're going to be fine Matt. I promise I won't let you go."

11.24.2009

Mello yawned as he woke, arms wrapped tightly around Matt. A dreadful wash came over him.

"Matt?" The blonde, didn't expect a response since his lover had been comatose for days.

No breath answered him either.

"Matt…you're going to be okay." Mello cleaned him up and dressed him, kissing his cheek periodically.

1.27.2010

L's electronic voice carried through the computer, "You cared for him even after his death, Mello. Why?"

"HE'S NOT GONE!" The blonde pounded his gloved covered hand on the floor.

"Mello. Do you really think Matt would have wanted this?"

He dropped to his side, curled on the floor. His body wouldn't stop shaking. Matt had died over 2 months ago and Mello had kept it a secret. Carefully he preserved the body, clinging to the last thing he had. Matt was gone but he couldn't let go. His heart and mind raced, anxiety washing him.

"Mello, Watari is coming to get you. You can't do this to yourself. Matt would never want this for you and you know it!" L was getting emotional.

Blue eyes were lifeless, fogged in grief. He had thought that if he could keep it a secret from the world then he wasn't really gone. L took him away…L made him see the truth and it hurt.

The blonde sat up and stared at the bed. Matt wouldn't have wanted this. Mello had finally achieved his goals and dreams only to overshadow them with the loss he could never have prevented. Matt would have been ashamed.

"Y-you're right, L"

"Mello will you come back to Wammy House?"

"Yes. I need to make on stop on the way home." Mello was strangely calm.

Watari arrived and took the leather clad mourner to the beach. The water lapped at the sand, roaring waves deafening to the blonde.

In his gloved hand he held a small glass bottle, sealed and full of letters and a key. The key was inscribed with the word Freedom. Matt had given the key to Mello when the plan to stop Kira unfolded. Matt had said once this was all over they would have freedom with each other and would live happily together. Mello kissed the jar and threw it with all he had into the water.

"Good bye Matty. I will go on for you. I will never let you go from my heart. I love you." He spoke to the sea.

Mello turned around to head to the car and looked up, seeing a faint figure of a man in stripes, red hair a mess from goggles on his head, a cigarette in his mouth. His heart skipped a beat, his breath stopped until the figure blinked out of his vision.

He looked down in his left hand, admiring the purple and white seashell with "Aquarius" painted on it. It was the only keepsake he didn't get rid of. Matt had given it to him back at Wammy house. He told Mello to never forget him as he put it in his hand that day.

"Why would I ever forget you?" He whispered to himself, tucking the shell into his pocket. "I wouldn't be who I am without you or your love."

He looked back at the sea one last time. He shook his head still ashamed for holding on to the shell of Matt laying in bed, dead to all but Mello. His eyes were opened now…the world was painfully bright, but he knew, with time, he would adjust.

The love of his Matt remained in his heart because he released the shell that prevented him from accepting the truth. Matt was gone, but Mello would never forget who he was, or the love they shared.

A/N Last Thursday my Matty…my girlfriend… left me. I had been painfully aware of her "death" long before I let go of the shell of her former self. She was no longer my Matt, but a corpse, lingering for my comfort. MelMat helped me to see that. It hurts… I won't lie… but I will move forward and prosper despite this painful realizations.

Matty…I love you and I always will, but now I accept that you are gone and never coming back. Rest in Peace my love.


End file.
